John Madden

Oh John Madden. We love your deep game insight. For over fifteen years we’ve had to hear this hotdog-juice sweating wash-up dish out important info like – “If they want to win this game, they’ll have to put some points on the board.” It’s officially time to put this old cow out to pasture. The games are still great, but I doubt I’m the only one hoping the driver of the Madden bus doses off while driving down a curvy mountain road. Because of his contributions in the past, he’s low on the list, but every year he shakes those fat jowls and chins on our consoles, he’ll undoubtedly move up the list.

Marumaro From Blue Dragon

Marumaro can best be described as a small, loud, squeaky animal who can talk. This character’s entire species apparently express themselves by dancing and yelling.  Every gamers’ dream right? Blue Dragon has a cutesy colorful look to it and Marumaro does fit into the game’s appearance, but you’ll be hard pressed to find anyone who enjoys this character. He really is the Jar Jar Binks of Blue Dragon. Only the Japanese could come up with a character who is a fat-headed Cheshire cat that that screams every two seconds and loves to dance.

Blinx the Time Sweeper

Blinx promised to be the next great videogame mascot when he debuted at the beginning of this decade on the original Xbox. It seemed like such a great idea since the co-creator of Sonic the Hedgehog was involved. Take one cat, strap a vacuum to his back and give him the ability to manipulate time by sucking up various shapes. If this concept doesn’t sound fun, you can imagine why this mascot was gassed in a dumpster behind Microsoft Game Studios. Blinx made two terrible appearances on the original Xbox and failed both times.

Otis From Dead Rising

Otis may seem like some everyday security guard who works in a mall and just happens to be dealing with a zombie problem. But the truth is that he’s an undercover spy sent by the zombies to call you everytime you get into a heavy situation. This guy makes the list because he’s supposed to be helping, but only seems to call when you’re fighting your way through a pack of zombies. While he’s not cheesy by design, this guy is straight f**king annoying due to his transmission timing.

Fuzion Frenzy 2’s Host

It’s bad enough that Fuzion Frenzy was one of the worst games made for the Xbox 360, but once you start to hear this love-child of a game show host and 1999 club-kid, you’ll want to turn the game off immediately. Considering how bad the game is, this might be a good idea. To add insult to annoying injury, the host constantly hands out random cards that completely alter game results after each round which sometimes render any effort pointless. Coming from a company who gave us Bomberman, we just can’t understand this abomination of a game character.

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