America’s Army: True Soldiers is the definition of digital propaganda. The only people who will find this game even remotely interesting are soldiers themselves. And that was proven during my review testing. It’s like a virtual walkthrough of your time in service. The problem is I didn’t like basic training the first time I went through. Why the hell would I want to go through it again virtually? I had to listen to a redneck tell me how to hit my target with proper breathing once. Doing it in a videogame doesn’t make it any more fun. At least this time around it doesn’t take eight weeks of getting run down by a Staff Sergeant with an IQ of 80 to graduate and get to my unit.

Instead of some inbred hick molding you into a soldier this time around, it’s Red Storm. You wouldn’t know it’s the same guys behind such amazing franchises as Ghost Recon and Rainbow Six though, because True Soldiers comes nowhere near the level of excellence these other titles have reached. This game is as bad as the previous America’s Army titles. I’ve never understood this franchise. You want to get today’s youth to enlist? Make a game about real Army life. There should be an entire level where you go to a new unit, drink every night of the week, wake up, do PT (physical training) and then try to talk the 18 year old moron in your platoon out of marrying the stripper from the town off base. Anyone that’s ever been stationed at Ft. Hood, Texas knows what I’m talking about. Upon completing this level, you’d get orders to deploy and then try to stop half the guys in your platoon from getting high, going AWOL, and marrying even more strippers. That’s the “true soldier” life. I lived it. It’s not all squad based tactics. It’s trying to keep a handle on every private who comes to your unit on their first time away from home because they couldn’t get into college. So they act like idiots. But, this is not the image the Army wants people to see, so they created this watered down Ghost Recon with Basic Training.

Let’s get into the gameplay. Not once in my five years of yelling HOOAH did I ever use paint balls in training. Apparently that’s the norm now as this game trains you with em. Why on Earth would you use paintballs to train in a videogame? Dock one point there for something the Army doesn’t do and isn’t fun in a game. At least the combat is fun right? Wrong soldier. In True Soldiers, the enemies are all eagle-eyed marksman who will nail you from a distance of two football fields. Who taught these guys to shoot? I haven’t been shot in the head so many times in game in my life. Dock another point. We’re down to eight out of 10 with a ways to go. How about the AI Sarge? It’s AWOL, and likely marrying the off-post stripper we talked about earlier. Based on my experience with 11 bravos and 11 charlies, that’s about right. Combat soldiers tend to be the ones who couldn’t test into a higher job or watched too many Rambo movies (not all of them, just most). So stupid teammates is spot on. But for gameplay, that’s no fun. Those keeping count may now dock another point.

Let the fun begin in single player campaign. Ok, I lied. There’s no fun to be had here as you’re courted from one “test” to the next to train. Training is fun right? HOOAH! Nope, scratch the hooahs troop. Because you have to exhale and then fire. If ever there was a title for Jack Thompson to attack, it’s True Soldiers. This game teaches you how to shoot. It’s accurate in that. It has been since the first title was released on the pc for free. And honestly, I’m not comfortable with civilians learning how to steady their rifles, exhale and fire. Is this what we’re teaching our kids? And most will be annoyed by the simple fact that a game is teaching you how to aim in the first place. If you’ve played a game or held a water gun since birth, you know how to aim. Is the technical side of it necessary? Maybe the game gets better over time? You do, after all, get better and level up as the game progresses. FALSE! The single player is so horrid I couldn’t bare to take the time to continue playing. It took me four years to get my E-5 (Sergeant) and that seemed to pass by faster than the six or so hours I spent with this sad recruitment device. I’d rather spend another 14 months at Camp Victory in Baghdad than play this game. Ok, that’s a lie, but this game is terrible. Dock two more points for the single-player campaign.

Multiplayer will save the day! My nose just grew a little bit. Cause I lied! Multiplayer would be great if anyone bought this game. Maybe not great, but at least I could have tested it out more. The slow and boring gameplay of the single player campaign carries over into multiplayer except almost felt less fun. Of the ten matches I played, I ran into the same people several times and didn’t once get a full room to start off. As expected, most of the matches I was in were filled with current or former soldiers like myself who spent more time criticizing the game than being tactical. “And another one”. Dock it.

Overall, AA: True Soldiers is the worst thing I’ve played since Fuzion Frenzy 2. Except I don’t even have the patience with this title to play it for achievements. I don’t remember the last time there was a title I didn’t have something good to say about. While there’s a lot of bad games out there, this one is tops in my book. Don’t waste your time, don’t rent, just dock this game points.

- An embarrassment to real soldiers

- Poor design results in no fun

- Tedious training results in no fun

- Paying to be recruited is no fun